Nothing brings out all the zits better than living together. Or as my mother would say, shacking up or living in sin. Up until now you’ve both been on company manners and only showed each other what you wanted the other to see or to know about you. Once you’re together 24/7 there are few secrets and this person you adore could turn into a monster.

If at the moment you think the sun shines out of your lover’s ass, you’re probably in for a huge shock. He or she is going to be a mere mortal in less than 24 hours. Imagine waking up that first morning full of love and lust and after hot sex you both decide it’s time to get up. First you trip over his shoes and underwear or her ice cream bowl and spoon casually left on the floor. Then you head to the bathroom and find toothpaste stuck in the sink or whiskers on the counter top. Believe me, this is the tip of the iceberg.

A good relationship can weather all this and much more but it takes being a good relationship to begin with. Once you’re living together you will share everything from 1/2 the bed to 1/2 (or more) of the closet, shopping, cooking, cleaning and the odd common cold. Are you up to sharing 50% of your space into the future?

There are ways to prevent future disaster to your relationship and you’d be wise to agree on most everything before the big move in date.

Chores

to make the bed?
to buy the food?
to cook the food?
to clean up the dishes?
to do the laundry?

and that’s just for starters.

Lifestyle

Do you like their friends? They’re going to be around a lot.
Is one of you a smoker that will drive the other one nuts?
Is one a neatnik and the other a slob? The house will be as neat as the sloppiest resident.
Is one of you a big drinker and the other not? This will eventually be a problem.

Finances

This one is always tough because historically men earn more than women and to split everything 50/50, he gets way more discretionary spending than she does. When we first lived together we decided on a percentage of our income that went into the community pot that was used to pay all the living expenses. Anything left over was spent on something for the house.

What if your sweetums has a mental problem or can’t hold a steady job? Can you foot the bills on your own for periods of time?

Important

Have or create a space in your house or apartment where you can be alone. Everyone needs some down time and recovery space, especially if she’s having a Tupperware party in the kitchen.

Don’t put yourself in a position where if you are miserable you can’t afford to move out and start again on your own. I’ve seen this so many times. Couples spend everything they’ve got building a lovenest only to find it fall from the tree and they can’t afford to move on alone.

Whether it’s true or just an urban myth, many women believe there is a profound lack of eligible men to date. Women from Maine to Hawaii are cooking up schemes to nab the best of the rest with what some men are calling just plain weird.

Many men are enjoying the turning of the tables and love it when I woman asks him out but some aren’t so convinced. Like Fred in Wisconsin had to say,

Most men say they love it when they get asked out by a woman, but try getting asked out every single week and it’s enough to make my skin crawl. I like to do the chasing. My current girlfriend made me chase her for weeks, and after being chased for so long by other women, it was a refreshing relief to be able to do some of the work for once.

Is his masculinity a bit too fragile to handle dinner paid for by a woman who earns more than he does? I suspect so.

What should a seeking woman do to enhance her chances of landing the big one?

• Remember that it’s not always about you. Quit with the drama.
• Try not to be Funny Girl and the life of the party. He’s convinced that’s his job.
• Don’t be a man basher — that makes you too much like him.
• Don’t invite him to dinner, invite him to invite you to dinner. Weird but effective.

Don’t overanalyze everything he does. If he says he will call and he doesn’t, give him a few days. If he doesn’t call, move on. He’s not interested and there’s nothing you can do to make him interested, so forget all the why didn’t he call questions and move on to the next conquest. Life’s too short to waste it wondering why a date didn’t go further.

At a site like SexyAds.com you’d think making her feel sexy would be the number one answer but in fact it’s not. Women come to a site like ours because they’re looking for something and most of them have needs bigger than needing to feel sexy.

So what is it that some guys have and others don’t that makes women reply to them over and over again? Don’t stress about it any more because there is no “secret”. These men have figured out what the women need and they give it to them. It’s that simple.

What do women need?

It’s not the same for all women but there are a few things that come up time and time again when we ask women what they’re looking for at a community like SexyAds.

I’m looking for someone to make me laugh. I’ve worked all day and I haven’t talked with anyone who made a “connection” with me. I come here and email or chat with someone who makes me laugh and it’s all the better because he really wants me to laugh and to laugh with him.

I came here because I was referred by a friend ages ago but I stay because I feel validated as a woman and as a human being. It’s not all about sex here, although there’s plenty of that. I find men who like me just the way I am. I don’t have to be or do anything other than be nice and fun. I’m treated as an equal. I usually feel terrific when I leave the site because someone has made me feel worth listening to.

I peeked in to SexyAds purely on curiosity. I’ve always been a vanilla babe but there’s been this small part of me who wanted to know more. What were other people doing in the bedroom that I’d never tried? More importantly what were they doing that I’d never heard of before. For instance, I thought watersports had to do with waterskiing! LOL I’ve made so many friends, both male and female that I feel part of the community. There are always new things to learn though and I have a huge list of things I want to try out with a new partner once I settle on one!

By far more women said they go to a dating site to meet someone who’ll find them important enough to listen to. It’s not rocket science. Feeling sexy happens for most women after they get to know a man and begin to think what sex with him would be like. So if you’ve been writing that you “could lick her all night”, try going for her need for validation and acceptance. Check her ad and write about something in it that proves her words were important enough to read before replying. It does work.

There are many who would say that a woman’s sex drive slows to a splutter as soon as she has the ring on her finger, but is that really the case? I’m one who firmly thinks it’s not the case at all.

So what’s the reason she’s not jumping in the sack just like she did when they were dating? Probably a lot of reasons but what I hear most from the women who talk to me from the website are:

• He expects me to work a full-time job and do everything to keep the house running smoothly. His mother did it and I think he feels I should too. He works the same number of hours I do and he mows the lawn on Saturday morning. That’s it. He doesn’t do the washing, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, windows, shopping, cooking, dishes or the shopping for family gifts (even his own family). It’s always up to me. I do love him but I don’t like him much any more and I don’t find him at all sexy.
• He used to make me feel so special before we were married and now it’s only me leaving little notes, buying him surprises, making plans for a night out for the two of us. It’s like he’s a single man in a married household. He thinks nothing of stopping off at the bar for a few drinks and ending up there for the evening. I love him but I am resentful and I don’t feel sexy any more.
• I’m just too tired. I wish I had the energy he does but after working all day and taking care of the kids and the house and the cooking and cleaning, I’m dead on my feet. If he’d do a bit more to help out around here I’d have more time to feel sexy. He thinks that anything to do with the house is my job (although I work full time) and anything he does I should appreciate because he’s “helping me.” If I asked him to move out he’d want half of this house, you can be sure of that so he should at least clean up his half!
• Being married isn’t what I thought it would be like. I thought it would be like dating only better and it’s not. I don’t enjoy waiting on him. I keep saying to myself, when’s my turn?
• My husband hovers over me like a wet cloth. He wants to know where I am at all times and he isn’t happy if I don’t report in. Who’d find that sexy?

Of course these women were online looking for someone to flirt with and perhaps they were a bit angry or frustrated, but I think some men need to realize that a relationship is a partnership and a wife isn’t going to accept what his mother did. If he wants her to desire him like she used to, then he needs to create the same environment.

I know I’ll hear from a lot of men who say they do all the right things and she still isn’t interested and to them I say, you have a real problem and she or you as a couple need some professional help because things are not going to get better on their own.