There were times he made me cringe but he always said what was on his mind and I loved that about him.

Thanks for the memories, George!

Ok, I’ve got three stories that should all win prizes. I couldn’t make up stuff this dumb.

According to the British tabloid, The Sun, a woman went grocery shopping wearing a pair of those new vibrating Passion Pants. She got so turned on by the vibrating bullet in her panties that she fainted from sheer excitement. She fell against a grocery aisle and hit her head.

When the paramedics arrived at the store in Swansea, Wales, her immitation leather panties were still vibrating and the woman was unconscious. They tended to her and before they took her to the hospital, they removed her panties. She got them back when she was released to go home. A spokesman for the grocery chain said, “We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough.”

What sort of dumb person would wear a pair of vibrating panties to the grocery store in the first place? They should have smacked her upside the head a few times, grabbed her panties and left her in the store. What a waste of taxpayer money on doctors just because she had to have a bit of wiggly wiggly. She needed to buy food and thought, “Gee, I’ll masturbate and shop and that will really save time.”

The next story isn’t about being stupid or not quite so stupid. A guy in Valalta Beach in Croatia went swimming in the nude. Not so weird, a lot of people do. His testicles had shrunk in the cold temperature and when he came out of the water he sat on a wooden deck chair with slats and his balls slid right though. After a little while, things heated up and his testicles went back to normal size and he couldn’t get out of the chair. (ouch) It took the beach maintenance staff a while to cut the chair in two to free him. Bet he wears a budgie smuggler next time he goes to the beach!

Finally, in Carioca, Romania a man was cooking pancakes for dinner and as luck would have it, his wife was giving him a blow job at the same time. (What is it with these people who have to do two things at the same time?) At the height of passion, he lost his grip on the frying pan and dumped hot oil on his wife’s back. She bit down on his penis and he moaned loudly and bashed her on the head with the hot frying pan.

When they got to the hospital neither would say how their injuries occurred, however after extensive questioning they admitted what happened. The man needed medical attention for his penis and his wife had burns to her back, a sore head, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone. She must have hurt way too much to laugh but that’s what I’d have done!

Imagine seven middle-aged women posing nude for a calendar and losing money! That’s what happened to a group of mothers in Spain who wanted to raise money for their kids’ school. They’d heard that a similar group of women in Britain had made more than a million pounds with a discreet nude calendar back in 2000. Their story was then made into a movie called “Calendar Girls”. They figured they couldn’t lose.

They all used different objects to hide their private parts but they were mostly nude. One posed with Christmas tinsel, one carried a shotgun and wore a fox pelt and one woman laid on a picnic table and covered herself with a red umbrella. Sounds good to me. I’m thinking heaps of men would buy it.

Men didn’t buy it, nor did women. They have 5,000 unsold copies and the women are in debt for $16,000.

How did it go so wrong?

The women are amateurs in the world of photography and publishing and nobody thought to check to see when the calendar needed to be produced in order to hit the holiday trade. Now, not only don’t they have money to improve their one classroom for all elementary students in the village, they also have no space to store the unsold calendars.

Now that the news media has picked up on the complaint by the printer that the women were behind in their payments for the calendar printing, maybe someone will buy the calendars and sell them on the net. I’d buy one just for the school fundraiser.