Whenever we hook up with someone who’s had a long standing relationship with another person, don’t we always wonder how we compare? I know I did when I first met the love of my life. She was more slender than I was, she really ruled the roost, she did all sorts of things that just aren’t “me”. I suppose it was normal to wonder how I’d compare to her, after all they’d been together for 20 years. Part of me didn’t want to know and part of me was very curious.

After the first year, I never thought about it again until a friend of mine who’s starting a new relationship with a guy who’s separated started wondering the same thing.

The truth is, it doesn’t freakin matter what the ex did, or how they look, or how good they were in bed, or how well they cut the grass, or cooked a steak. It just doesn’t matter. If it did, that’s where your partner would still be, right? They left that relationship because of problems between the two of them that they couldn’t resolve and then decided there wasn’t enough love left to bother solving the problems.

So stop trying to measure up to what kind of person you think they are. Your sweetie doesn’t care. He or she chose you above all others and they’re with you because they’re happy. That should be enough.

Jealousy and clingyness. Maybe it’s clinginess, I can’t be bothered worrying about how to spell it, just know that it’s one of the two worst things in a relationship. If either of you are clingy or jealous or heaven forbid both, the relationship is doomed. End it right now because it’s never going to get better. Put on the hair shirt and start complaining about how miserable you are so you can get over it sooner. Perhaps you aren’t guilty but you know someone who is. We all know someone who’s jealous or clingy and it’s not a pretty site.

I have a friend who’s nutcase jealous when his wife is out of his sight. He’s a weirdo about it, honestly. If she and I go out for coffee, he must call every 15-20 minutes to see what she’s up to. I suggested leaving the phone at home just once and she said he’d go apeshit if she did. I had to swallow my words but inside I was screaming, “YOU IDIOT!! DUMP THIS LOSER!” What a control freak wearing a coat of jealousy.

My friend Donna is clingy. When her live-in Matt is at home, she’s by his side nearly all the time. If he goes to put out the garbage, she helps him. If he wants to surf the net, she gets a chair to sit beside him. If he goes to the throne room, she sits on the edge of the tub so they can talk. She needs to know where he is all the time and what he’s doing. It would drive me insane not to have one private moment at home. I suppose it’s possible that Matt doesn’t mind but I’d smack her upside the head a time or two just for good measure. When she’s away from Matt she’s just fine, although if it’s time for him to come home, we have to hurry so she’s there when he gets home. She wants to spend every moment she can with him. Mr. Flirty would roll his eyes if I followed him around all day. He’d wonder if aliens had taken over my body. We each have our own lives but we treasure the time we’re together. I want to be with him because I love him not because I need him.

If you’re insecure in your relationship, fix that. It might well be that you’re like my friend and there’s nothing to be jealous about but he’s jealous anyway. If that’s the case, wise up and fix yourself because there’s nothing to be jealous about.

If you’re clingy, get a life. Seriously. Find something to do that’s fun for you and you alone. Go to a class, join a bowling league, get involved in local politics, volunteer your time at a hospice or meals on wheels. There are heaps of things you can do to be complete all on your own. You’ll be much more fun to be around.

I see so many men and women complaining that they are alone and never get lucky finding someone to love. I want to smack the crap out of people when they say that. They’re setting themselves up for failure with an attitude like that. If you think there’s nobody for you, you’re going to be right on the money.

I love this poem about life that I think puts it all into perspective. If you don’t ask for what you want and you settle for what you get, then don’t complain. If you want someone new in your life, he or she is there for you, you just have to have confidence and belief in yourself that you’re desirable and worthy of being loved.

“I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.
“For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
“I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.”
Jessie Belle Rittenhouse

Close your eyes and can you see yourself with someone new? Once you can do that, you’ve got the desire and it will happen. I don’t know how or where but I do know that the right person will come into your life.

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. ‘I’d love to be eight again’ she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Teddy Grahams and a peanut butter and jelly toast!

He took her to the local amusement park and put her on every ride in the park: * The Death Slide * The Wall of Fear * The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster and more.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they went to a McDonald’s where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, plus candy!

What a fabulous adventure! The man was thrilled to bits to give his wife just what she wanted for her birthday.

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked ‘Well dear, what was it like being eight again?’

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation…’I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!

The moral of this story: Communication… Even when a man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong…..