The loser mentality
Are you seeking a new relationship or know someone who is? I see and hear from people every day who range from actively seeking to wishing a new love would fall from the sky and miraculously fall in love with them.
One of the most common patterns I see are the people who say, “I’m looking but I doubt I’ll find him (or her.)”
What’s that all about? I’ll tell you what.. they see themselves as losers and that’s the message they are sending out to the world. Because they see themselves as losers they will never attract the best people into their lives.
Think about your own situation or that of a friend of yours. We all know the man or woman who can always get a date. Sadly, we also know the man or woman who seems to be always left out when the dating sides are chosen. The difference is in the first situation, that person knows their desirable and worth dating and they project that to the person they are trying to connect with. In the second situation, that person knows they’re a loser and that’s what they project.
How to stop being a loser?
It’s all about self-talk. If you don’t see yourself as a winner, there are things you can do. To being with, talk to yourself. The job is to go from feeling like a loser to feeling like a winner. You can’t do it overnight but you CAN pretend. When you comb your hair in the mirror, tell yourself how cute you are. When you brush your teeth, look at that face and tell yourself that you’re loveable. In the beginning, put notes on your mirror so you don’t forget. Remember that you’ve spent many years creating this negativity so you’ll need the reminders.
Next, whenever you think a negative thought about yourself, IMMEDIATELY say to yourself, “Stop.. I am NOT (whatever it is you’re thinking). I am (whatever it is you do want to be.)” In a short period of time, you’ll find that the negative thoughts about yourself will change.
These two activities alone will bring you much more confidence and it will show to everyone around you. You’ll find yourself getting a new haircut or a new outfit just because you want to feel good and you know you deserve it.
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There’s another reason that people utter the fatal words, “I doubt I’ll find someone.” And if anything, it exemplifies the polar opposite of the loser mentality. Some people are hopeless about finding love because they have very specific tastes and know that finding someone they’re attracted to who will actually make a good long-term partner for them is a rarity.
Singletude